Last updated 17th March 2017
BOFH Index
This is a collection of links to most of the BOFH stories from 2000 to 2016 (For BOFH episodes from before 2000, please see the Official Archive ). Although most episodes are included, some have been inadvertently missed out or had disappeared from the web. If you find the missing episodes, or have any other questions or comments, please email me and I'll work on adding them.
Thanks to The Register for hosting the stories and Simon Travaglia for writing them.
Official books of the BOFH stories are also available. Links to purchase the books are available below. Using these links helps this site to stay online :)
Click the years to expand!
BOFH 2000:
BOFH returns from the deadWanted: Bastard Operators to man helldesk BOFH unmasks the Printer SmasherBOFH goes to HollywoodBOFH specs the Quake box from heavenBOFH masters the art of creative accountingBOFH : agony uncle and bastardBOFH 1: TWAT OBOFH tracks down ArsonistBOFH plays with MaggotBOFH discovers Voice RecognitionBOFH moonlights CRAP SOFTWAREThe BOFH interpretation skills test – try it if you DARE BOFH signs up for M$ soap slush fundBOFH dreams of justifiable user homicideBOFH meets the Bitch Operator – match made in HellBOFH and The MaharijiIHATEYOU Virus sweeps through BOFH Land BOFH for hire on Starship EnterpriseBOFH skills test: How are you with Marketing Blurb?BOFH : What the Microsoft break-up really meansBOFH gets Blood on His HandsBOFH : Bad Hair DayBOFH wants to know: how dangerous are your users?Lies, Damn Lies and BOFH : Statistics The Bastard gets taste of own medicine Do not buy a PC from this Bastard BOFH wants to know – would you make a good engineer?Are you BOFH : Engineer Material – Part 2 Trust me, I'm a Bastard BOFH takes the PissBOFH gets OutsourcedBOFH gets CommittedBOFH : No service therefore no denialBOFH goes to WarPay reviews for Bastards BOFH : Call in the SpecialistThe Bastard hits Cruise Control BOFH : Lights out for ContractorsJust when you thought BOFH : had disappeared… BOFH : Who Put the Mug in Smug?BOFH : Takes the Wind out of Sales
BOFH 2001:
Back on the Helldesk with BOFH BOFH : This hardware is dead… It has ceased to be…BOFH gives good slideBOFH gets to the back of the QThe Bastard school of anger management BOFH : How to upgrade your Quake ServerBOFH : Swears, Lies and
VideotapesBOFH plays Golf!BOFH : my mate, automateBOFH : The Rise and Fall of Little VoiceThe Bastard goes Wireless Bastard Plan 437f BOFH gets exercisedThe Bastard formerly known as Roger BOFH : To catch a thiefThe Bastard plays with fire BOFH mans the HelldeskBOFH and the Linux EvangelistBOFH vs CEFH*, one:nilBastard Satisfaction Bastard Security Troubleshooter BOFH : Cardiac Arrest or Cancer?It's BOFH Disaster Recovery Time BOFH , the HellDesk and the NovelLosing Your Edge? Take The BOFH Test Arise Sir BOFH I Spy with my Bastard Eye The BOFH Self-Helpless Guide The BOFH Content Management System The Trivia Quiz – BOFH :-style… The BOFH techno-zealot alert BOFH : 'Twas the night before Christmas
BOFH 2002:
BOFH and the VAX cluster bombBOFH gets his mobo workingThe Bastard Guide To Writing Software BOFH : SQL for RetardsBOFH : Going PostalBastardman and Robin BOFH : Oh Bondage, Up Yours!The Bastard Junkets from Hell The Bastard gets flustered The BOFH Desidoreplicator The Bastard Range of Wearable Computers The Bastard goes email snooping The Bastard Guide to Overclocking BOFH and the God of Workplace HarmonyThe Bastard Vending Machine BOFH and The SalesblokeThe Bastard School of Recruitment BOFH and The Art Of Brand ManagementBOFH : PFY's SulkBOFH and the Luser GroupThe BOFH Questionnaire How Geeky Are You? The killer BOFH bot from the basement BOFH : Today the CEO. Tomorrow the Board!BOFH and the Nigerian 419The Bastard Lift Operator The BOFH Christmas Spirit
BOFH 2003:
I'm a Bastard Operator, Get Me Out of Here! The Bastard Guide to Recycling BOFH and the Pay RiseThe Bastard Interviewer from Hell The Bastard wants to know: How's your interviewing style? Bastard's got a Brand New Laptop BOFH : The Boss and Operational EuphemismsThe Bastard goes 24/7 BOFH and the Interruptible Power SystemBOFH cops a virusBOFH and the Bad JunketThe Bastard School of Argument BOFH and The EngineerBOFH and The Boss's PornBOFH and The Conference802.11bofh BOFH and the Boss' PAA Bastard of a late night call-out Resumé writin: BOFH style BOFH beats the BossBOFH and the AuditorThe BOFH mobile comms quiz BOFH makes a hardware callHealth, Safety and… BOFH Megalomania™ – the board game for BOFH s BOFH and the government contractBOFH on the pullYes, it's the BOFH quiz! BOFH , the Boss and printing p0rnBOFH 's Xmas XperienceThe BOFH -father Part One BOFH and the Boss' space problems
BOFH 2004:
BOFH : How to get an upgrade, BOFH-styleBOFH and the pointless questionnaireBOFH and the cyberchairBOFH and the coffee machineBOFH : Interviewing for HelpdeskBOFH : Infesting the secure comms roomBOFH : We who are about to dial salute youBOFH : Protecting bodily waste in the public domainBOFH : Enforcing the excremental IPBOFH : Hitting the savegame panic Oxford OX1 5PL, UK buttonBOFH : Taking the fight to the beancountersBOFH : Stuck on the 6.01999th floorBOFH : The enemy at the gateBOFH : Beware Mad Ron bearing LinuxBOFH : Frying the PFYBOFH : One double espresso from meltdownBOFH : Psst! Wanna buy an encryption device?BOFH : Wearing the graphite polymer wobbly shoeBOFH : Downsizing the human deadwoodBOFH and the workplace hazardsBOFH : peers through the proxy mirrorBOFH : Addressing the Computer Usage PolicyBOFH gets an RFID he can't refuseBOFH : Might as well face it, you're addicted to smutBOFH : Tripping the mangelfreuzer switchBOFH takes a hit from Cupid's arrowBOFH : How do you deal with authority?BOFH switches to power-saving modeIntroducing the new BOFH -brand internet café Poker-faced BOFH plays jokers wild PFY proves self abuse cures male-pattern baldnessBOFH : What to do when the Boss gets touchy-feelyBOFH tests the law of redundant supplyBOFH : A ringside seat at the Boss-baiting pitBOFH : Seek, locate and destroyBOFH : How to survive a Boring Geek AlertBOFH : When sorry seems to be the hardest wordBOFH : A little Ray of sunshineBOFH : The hostage's guide to lift imprisonmentBOFH : Et tu, PFY-us?BOFH and the serial killerBOFH gets into the Xmas spirit
BOFH 2005:
BOFH : Where the hell have you been ?BOFH : Hooking the IT vending piranhaBOFH : Driller KillerBOFH : When desk lamps attackThe BOFH guide to equal opportunities BOFH : Danger, Falling Computing PeripheralsBOFH : Goin' undergroundBOFH : Your Job number is...BOFH : Critical Mass of GeeksBOFH and the hydrogen-based explosive deviceBOFH : Identity theftBOFH : I declare this junket season...The Boss is dead - long live The Boss BOFH : Let the games beginBOFH : You can't outbastard the bastardBOFH : Lucky in computing...BOFH : Defence of the RealmBOFH : Blocking the chutney ferretBOFH and the chemistry lessonBOFH : ResurrectionBOFH : Chuck it and leg itBOFH : A white van man called AlgernonThe name's BOFH - James BOFH BOFH : Drunk gravityYe Bastarde Operatore frome Helle Hell hath no fury... BOFH : Putting a price on the BossBOFH : Bloody computer room tourists!BOFH : What the hell's Dutch lobster?BOFH : Hi Honey I'm homeThe Bastard, in the Comms Room with the Cooling Pipe BOFH : Woah there, Crash GordonBOFH : the PFY goes AWOLBOFH : Beware the lie-detecting mouseBOFH : Can you call me a cab?Dr Bastard's photo lab
BOFH 2006:
BOFH : 17 minutes of goodwillBOFH : The Way of the HammerBOFH : 'Did you know..?'BOFH : Automated attendant abuseBOFH : HeadhuntedBOFH takes a leaf from Captain Kirk's logBOFH : Birthday present backfireBOFH : Being rootBOFH : A change in toneBOFH : Feral access pointsBOFH : Clear and present dangerBOFH : Dumping old crapBOFH : HeadcaseBOFH : Dear Valuable VIP CustomerBOFH : Interview with a CEOBOFH : That security thangBOFH : Power down bluesBOFH : Blast from the pastBOFH : Union 'negotiations'BOFH : Dr Bastard's lab challengeBOFH : Double whammyBOFH : Champion of cultureBOFH : Go on then, subcontract us...BOFH : Lawsuit ahoy!BOFH : Office politicsBOFH : Bastard gets firedBOFH : The Bastard and the MouseBOFH : The computer whispererBOFH : Out on the lashBOFH : Retirement planBOFH : Unconventional interviewBOFH : Pulling a computer survey swiftyBOFH : The mystery of the impenetrable data safeBOFH : Let the games beginBOFH : ArmageddonThe BOFH goes virtual BOFH : Data wiping hellBOFH : Dessert stormBOFH : When non-IT people make IT decisionsBOFH : IT services reviewThe Bastard and the IT training budget BOFH : The most important user in the world...BOFH : Looting Christmas treasureThe Bastard's guide to airport security
BOFH 2007:
BOFH plays Pass the PasswordBOFH : It's a funny old world isn't it?BOFH : The mystery of the vandalised officeBOFH : Immortalised in printThe Bastard guide to work from work BOFH : The craptopBOFH : The BrotherhoodBOFH : The takeoverBOFH : The wild smut chaseBOFH : The new geek on the blockBOFH : The PFY punts for smutBOFH : What do you mean the system's being audited?BOFH : Geeks on heatBOFH : Fishbowl this BOFH : Somebody know this body?BOFH : OutBOFHdBOFH : The revengeBOFH : Lost licencesBOFH : PFY spreads his wingsBOFH : PFY rescue missionBOFH : Talking to tradesmenBOFH : Printer cartridge? What printer cartridge?BOFH : Computer room delugeBOFH : A question of urgencyBOFH : Operation bean the beancounterBOFH : Moving faster than blameBOFH : Dodging the auditorsBOFH : Damsels in distressBOFH : New toysBOFH : Chilling the bearingsBOFH : Building changesBOFH : In search of the lazy atomBOFH : You think you know a guy...BOFH : Skip diplomacyBOFH : A tragic accidentBOFH : A foray into HRBOFH : Budget cutsBOFH : Workplace accidents = 0BOFH : Spreading the festive cheerBOFH : Friday madnessBOFH : Xmas party: Get a wriggle onBOFH : Balancing the budget...BOFH : Beancounter bashing
BOFH 2008:
BOFH : Memory short circuitBOFH : Defusing the enthusiastBOFH : What GPS is forBOFH : Carbon neutralityBOFH : The Silence of the ServersBOFH : Insecurity complexBOFH : Vampires!BOFH : The secret gentlemen's clubBOFH : On the brinkBOFH : ImpatienceBOFH : Fun with automatic doorsBOFH : The London Underground vending machine conspiracyBOFH : Lift laughsBOFH : Licensing modelBOFH : PFY's mum pays a visitBOFH : The Boss gets Grandpa Simpson syndromeBOFH : Shiny new computer roomBOFH : The PFY's comeuppanceBOFH : The BatcaveBOFH : Testing the obscenity filtersBOFH : Dealing with engineersBOFH : Shafting the consultants over the new layoutBOFH : The all-clicking, all-whirring RobobossBOFH : The admin geneBOFH : The PFY wants a referenceBOFH : Server room secret panelsBOFH : Smash + grabBOFH : Burying the hatchetBOFH : Lock and reloadBOFH : Back in the saddleBOFH : Remote access malarkeyBOFH : The Mandelboat virusBOFH : Unfriendly ghostsBOFH : Fine detective workBOFH : Radiating sincerityBOFH : Taking out a contractBOFH : The paperless cafeteriaBOFH : The unwanted software compoBOFH : The Christmas partyBOFH : Blackmail and fine wine
BOFH 2009:
BOFH : A safe betBOFH : Aspie no questionsBOFH : Cable entanglementsBOFH : Defiling the profileBOFH : Grand Theft AutoBOFH : Spontaneous Legal CombustionBOFH : Snout, meet troughBOFH : Stick thisBOFH : A spot of botherBOFH : Hammer time!BOFH : Trussssst in meBOFH : Weapon of choiceBOFH : Baitin' switchBOFH : The stupidity criticalityBOFH : Slab happyBOFH : Made of winBOFH : Key performance undertakers
BOFH 2010:
BOFH : The PFY ChroniclesBOFH : The PFY Chronicles part 2BOFH : The PFY Chronicles Part The ThirdBOFH : Forgive and forgetBOFH : On the couchBOFH : The poncy director's cutBOFH : Risky businessBOFH : Little ups and downsBOFH : Lies and the lying liars who lie about themBOFH : Die, RobotBOFH : Robot warsBOFH : Lock shockBOFH : Pepper-packing bot plotBOFH : Join the clubBOFH : You just can't go around killing peopleBOFH : BOFH vs Bot: Ultimate SmackdownBOFH : Look out!BOFH : Pain fear gamesBOFH: Who's been naughty and who's been nice?
BOFH 2011:
BOFH : There's no 'I' in team, but there's a 'u' in suckBOFH : This buck's for youBOFH : In distributed denialBOFH : People get annoyed when you try to debug themBOFH : Every silver lining has a cloudBOFH : Attack of the Global Corporate OverlordsBOFH : Ready for the Judgment DayBOFH : CSI Haxploitation Cube Farm ApocalypseBOFH : Drunken Time LordBOFH vs PFY: There can be only one (on the exes chit)BOFH : Axe handles - occasionally quite slipperyBOFH : Beer, shinies, death by fire, rats IN THAT ORDERBOFH : I'll get my bonus even if it kills, well, someoneBOFH : No, the Fabinocci seqeunceBOFH : Where's my free fondleslab?BOFH : Hordes unleashed... by a RAM upgradeBOFH : We don't need no stinkin' upgradeBOFH : Licence to grill ... stupid usersBOFH : The day the office budget bombed – literallyBOFH : The Explosive Christmas Evacuation
BOFH 2012:
BOFH : My Cloud Committee CalamityBOFH : Moon landings, Pong and the case of the smokingBOFH : Dawn raid on Fort BOFHBOFH : Siri, why do users lie?BOFH : PFY vs Bearded 80s Netscape BoreBOFH : The back-up backdown smackdownBOFH : Shove your project managementry up your mailbox!BOFH : Our Excel-lent new boss and the diagram planBOFH : Uninterruptible patsy supplyBOFH : Tenacious B and the Printer of DestinyBOFH : Can't you just ... NO, I JUST CAN'TBOFH : Hasta la Vista... luserBOFH : The Great Patch MismatchBOFH : Cannot terminate PFY instance... ACCESS DENIED
BOFH 2013:
BOFH : Climb the corp ladder - and use your boss as a bullet shieldBOFH : My HELPDESK HELL - lies, phones lines and statisticsBOFH : And it's cloudy with a 90% chance of beatingsBOFH : Go on, beancounter, type DROP TABLE asset;BOFH : Don't be afraid - we won't hurt your delicate, flimsy inkjet printerBOFH : Backup server's failed? We have a backup backup serverBOFH : Nasty BOFHses. It burns us! It burns...BOFH : Welcome to Helldesk, ma'am, may I take your bags?BOFH : Is WHAT 'running slow'!? GODBOFH : GOATSE? No, I said goat fetis... you know what, forget itBOFH : One flew over the PFY's nestBOFH : Resistance is futile - we're missing BEER O'CLOCKBOFH : It's DANGEROUS to go alone. Take THIS
BOFH 2014:
BOFH : Attractive person is attractive. Um, why are your eyes bulging?BOFH : He... made... you... HE made YOU a DOMAIN ADMIN?BOFH : On the PFY's Scottish estate, no one can hear you scream...BOFH : Oh DO tell us what you think. *CLICK*BOFH : On the contrary, we LOVE rebranding here at the IT deptBOFH : You can take our lives, but you'll never take OUR MACROSBOFH : The Great Backup BACKDOWNBOFH : We CAN do that with a Raspberry Pi, but think of the BODIESBOFH : The current value of our IT ASSets? Minus eleventy-seven...BOFH: Stop your tiers - when it comes to storage, LESS is MORE BOFH: SOOO... You want to sell us some antivirus software? BOFH: An UNHOLY MATCH forged amid the sweet smell of bullsh*t BOFH: WHERE did this 'fax-enabled' printer UPGRADE come from? BOFH: Everyone deserves a little DOWNTIME BOFH: Santa, bloody Santa BOFH: Capo di Capo, blah. I'm having CHICKEN JALFREZI BOFH: A miracle on PFY Street
BOFH 2015:
BOFH: The Great HellDesk geek leave seek BOFH: The ONE-NINE uptime solution BOFH: Mmm, gotta love me some fresh BYOD dog roll BOFH: Never mind that old brick, look at this ink-stained BEAUTY BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ... BOFH: Getting to the brown, nutty heart of the water cooler matter BOFH: Step into my office. Now take a deep breath BOFH: Don't go changing on Friday evenings, I don't wanna work that hard BOFH: My diary is MINE and mine alone, you petty HR gimps BOFH: Knitting bobble hats on the steps of the guillotine BOFH: Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one! BOFH: An architect and his own entirely avoidable downfall BOFH: Power corrupts, uninterrupted power corrupts absolutely BOFH: Press 1. Press 2. Press whatever you damn well LIKE BOFH: I'm not doing this for the benefit of your health, you know BOFH: We're miracle workers. But you want us to fix THAT in 10 minutes? BOFH: How long does it take to complete Friday's lager-related tasks? BOFH: Taking a spin in a decommissioned racer? On your own grill cam be it
BOFH 2016:
BOFH: I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please BOFH: In-depth IT training needs a single-malt distillery BOFH: This laptop has ceased to be. And it's pub o'clock soon BOFH: Sure, I could make your cheapo printer perform miracles BOFH: If you liked it then you should've put the internet in it BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral BOFH: What's your point, caller? BOFH: Follow the paper trail BOFH: I found a flying Dragonite on a Windows 2003 domain BOFH: Free as in free beer or... Oh. 'Free Upgrade' BOFH: The case of the suspicious red icon BOFH: There are no wrong answers, just wrong questions. Mmm, really wrong ones BOFH: The Idiot-ware Project and the Meaningless Acronym BOFH: The Hypochondriac Boss and the non-random sample
BOFH 2017: (in progress)
BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me BOFH: Elf of Safety? Orc of Admin. Pleased to meet you BOFH: Don't back up in anger