Last updated 17
th March 2017 BOFH Index
This is a collection of links to most of the BOFH stories from 2000 to 2016 (For BOFH episodes from before 2000, please see the
Official Archive). Although most episodes are included, some have been inadvertently missed out or had disappeared from the web. If you find the missing episodes, or have any other questions or comments, please email me and I'll work on adding them.
The Register for hosting the stories and Simon Travaglia for writing them.
Official books of the BOFH stories are also available. Links to purchase the books are available below. Using these links helps this site to stay online :)
Click the years to expand!
BOFH returns from the dead
Wanted: Bastard Operators to man helldesk
BOFH unmasks the Printer Smasher
BOFH goes to Hollywood
BOFH specs the Quake box from heaven
BOFH masters the art of creative accounting
BOFH: agony uncle and bastard
BOFH 1: TWAT O
BOFH tracks down Arsonist
BOFH plays with Maggot
BOFH discovers Voice Recognition
BOFH moonlights CRAP SOFTWARE
The BOFH interpretation skills test – try it if you DARE
BOFH signs up for M$ soap slush fund
BOFH dreams of justifiable user homicide
BOFH meets the Bitch Operator – match made in Hell
BOFH and The Mahariji
IHATEYOU Virus sweeps through BOFH Land
BOFH for hire on Starship Enterprise
BOFH skills test: How are you with Marketing Blurb?
BOFH: What the Microsoft break-up really means
BOFH gets Blood on His Hands
BOFH: Bad Hair Day
BOFH wants to know: how dangerous are your users?
Lies, Damn Lies and BOFH: Statistics
The Bastard gets taste of own medicine
Do not buy a PC from this Bastard
BOFH wants to know – would you make a good engineer?
Are you BOFH: Engineer Material – Part 2
Trust me, I'm a Bastard
BOFH takes the Piss
BOFH gets Outsourced
BOFH gets Committed
BOFH: No service therefore no denial
BOFH goes to War
Pay reviews for Bastards
BOFH: Call in the Specialist
The Bastard hits Cruise Control
BOFH: Lights out for Contractors
Just when you thought BOFH: had disappeared…
BOFH: Who Put the Mug in Smug?
BOFH: Takes the Wind out of Sales
Back on the Helldesk with BOFH
BOFH: This hardware is dead… It has ceased to be…
BOFH gives good slide
BOFH gets to the back of the Q
The Bastard school of anger management
BOFH: How to upgrade your Quake Server
BOFH: Swears, Lies and
BOFH plays Golf!
BOFH: my mate, automate
BOFH: The Rise and Fall of Little Voice
The Bastard goes Wireless
Bastard Plan 437f
BOFH gets exercised
The Bastard formerly known as Roger
BOFH: To catch a thief
The Bastard plays with fire
BOFH mans the Helldesk
BOFH and the Linux Evangelist
BOFH vs CEFH*, one:nil
Bastard Security Troubleshooter
BOFH: Cardiac Arrest or Cancer?
It's BOFH Disaster Recovery Time
BOFH, the HellDesk and the Novel
Losing Your Edge? Take The BOFH Test
Arise Sir BOFH
I Spy with my Bastard Eye
The BOFH Self-Helpless Guide
The BOFH Content Management System
The Trivia Quiz – BOFH:-style…
The BOFH techno-zealot alert
BOFH: 'Twas the night before Christmas
BOFH and the VAX cluster bomb
BOFH gets his mobo working
The Bastard Guide To Writing Software
BOFH: SQL for Retards
BOFH: Going Postal
Bastardman and Robin
BOFH: Oh Bondage, Up Yours!
The Bastard Junkets from Hell
The Bastard gets flustered
The BOFH Desidoreplicator
The Bastard Range of Wearable Computers
The Bastard goes email snooping
The Bastard Guide to Overclocking
BOFH and the God of Workplace Harmony
The Bastard Vending Machine
BOFH and The Salesbloke
The Bastard School of Recruitment
BOFH and The Art Of Brand Management
BOFH: PFY's Sulk
BOFH and the Luser Group
The BOFH Questionnaire How Geeky Are You?
The killer BOFH bot from the basement
BOFH: Today the CEO. Tomorrow the Board!
BOFH and the Nigerian 419
The Bastard Lift Operator
The BOFH Christmas Spirit
I'm a Bastard Operator, Get Me Out of Here!
The Bastard Guide to Recycling
BOFH and the Pay Rise
The Bastard Interviewer from Hell
The Bastard wants to know: How's your interviewing style?
Bastard's got a Brand New Laptop
BOFH: The Boss and Operational Euphemisms
The Bastard goes 24/7
BOFH and the Interruptible Power System
BOFH cops a virus
BOFH and the Bad Junket
The Bastard School of Argument
BOFH and The Engineer
BOFH and The Boss's Porn
BOFH and The Conference
BOFH and the Boss' PA
A Bastard of a late night call-out
Resumé writin: BOFH style
BOFH beats the Boss
BOFH and the Auditor
The BOFH mobile comms quiz
BOFH makes a hardware call
Health, Safety and… BOFH
Megalomania™ – the board game for BOFHs
BOFH and the government contract
BOFH on the pull
Yes, it's the BOFH quiz!
BOFH, the Boss and printing p0rn
BOFH's Xmas Xperience
The BOFH-father Part One
BOFH and the Boss' space problems
BOFH: How to get an upgrade, BOFH-style
BOFH and the pointless questionnaire
BOFH and the cyberchair
BOFH and the coffee machine
BOFH: Interviewing for Helpdesk
BOFH: Infesting the secure comms room
BOFH: We who are about to dial salute you
BOFH: Protecting bodily waste in the public domain
BOFH: Enforcing the excremental IP
BOFH: Hitting the savegame panic Oxford OX1 5PL, UK button
BOFH: Taking the fight to the beancounters
BOFH: Stuck on the 6.01999th floor
BOFH: The enemy at the gate
BOFH: Beware Mad Ron bearing Linux
BOFH: Frying the PFY
BOFH: One double espresso from meltdown
BOFH: Psst! Wanna buy an encryption device?
BOFH: Wearing the graphite polymer wobbly shoe
BOFH: Downsizing the human deadwood
BOFH and the workplace hazards
BOFH: peers through the proxy mirror
BOFH: Addressing the Computer Usage Policy
BOFH gets an RFID he can't refuse
BOFH: Might as well face it, you're addicted to smut
BOFH: Tripping the mangelfreuzer switch
BOFH takes a hit from Cupid's arrow
BOFH: How do you deal with authority?
BOFH switches to power-saving mode
Introducing the new BOFH-brand internet café
Poker-faced BOFH plays jokers wild
PFY proves self abuse cures male-pattern baldness
BOFH: What to do when the Boss gets touchy-feely
BOFH tests the law of redundant supply
BOFH: A ringside seat at the Boss-baiting pit
BOFH: Seek, locate and destroy
BOFH: How to survive a Boring Geek Alert
BOFH: When sorry seems to be the hardest word
BOFH: A little Ray of sunshine
BOFH: The hostage's guide to lift imprisonment
BOFH: Et tu, PFY-us?
BOFH and the serial killer
BOFH gets into the Xmas spirit
BOFH: Where the hell have you been?
BOFH: Hooking the IT vending piranha
BOFH: Driller Killer
BOFH: When desk lamps attack
The BOFH guide to equal opportunities
BOFH: Danger, Falling Computing Peripherals
BOFH: Goin' underground
BOFH: Your Job number is...
BOFH: Critical Mass of Geeks
BOFH and the hydrogen-based explosive device
BOFH: Identity theft
BOFH: I declare this junket season...
The Boss is dead - long live The Boss
BOFH: Let the games begin
BOFH: You can't outbastard the bastard
BOFH: Lucky in computing...
BOFH: Defence of the Realm
BOFH: Blocking the chutney ferret
BOFH and the chemistry lesson
BOFH: Chuck it and leg it
BOFH: A white van man called Algernon
The name's BOFH - James BOFH
BOFH: Drunk gravity
Ye Bastarde Operatore frome Helle
Hell hath no fury...
BOFH: Putting a price on the Boss
BOFH: Bloody computer room tourists!
BOFH: What the hell's Dutch lobster?
BOFH: Hi Honey I'm home
The Bastard, in the Comms Room with the Cooling Pipe
BOFH: Woah there, Crash Gordon
BOFH: the PFY goes AWOL
BOFH: Beware the lie-detecting mouse
BOFH: Can you call me a cab?
Dr Bastard's photo lab
BOFH: 17 minutes of goodwill
BOFH: The Way of the Hammer
BOFH: 'Did you know..?'
BOFH: Automated attendant abuse
BOFH takes a leaf from Captain Kirk's log
BOFH: Birthday present backfire
BOFH: Being root
BOFH: A change in tone
BOFH: Feral access points
BOFH: Clear and present danger
BOFH: Dumping old crap
BOFH: Dear Valuable VIP Customer
BOFH: Interview with a CEO
BOFH: That security thang
BOFH: Power down blues
BOFH: Blast from the past
BOFH: Union 'negotiations'
BOFH: Dr Bastard's lab challenge
BOFH: Double whammy
BOFH: Champion of culture
BOFH: Go on then, subcontract us...
BOFH: Lawsuit ahoy!
BOFH: Office politics
BOFH: Bastard gets fired
BOFH: The Bastard and the Mouse
BOFH: The computer whisperer
BOFH: Out on the lash
BOFH: Retirement plan
BOFH: Unconventional interview
BOFH: Pulling a computer survey swifty
BOFH: The mystery of the impenetrable data safe
BOFH: Let the games begin
The BOFH goes virtual
BOFH: Data wiping hell
BOFH: Dessert storm
BOFH: When non-IT people make IT decisions
BOFH: IT services review
The Bastard and the IT training budget
BOFH: The most important user in the world...
BOFH: Looting Christmas treasure
The Bastard's guide to airport security
BOFH plays Pass the Password
BOFH: It's a funny old world isn't it?
BOFH: The mystery of the vandalised office
BOFH: Immortalised in print
The Bastard guide to work from work
BOFH: The craptop
BOFH: The Brotherhood
BOFH: The takeover
BOFH: The wild smut chase
BOFH: The new geek on the block
BOFH: The PFY punts for smut
BOFH: What do you mean the system's being audited?
BOFH: Geeks on heat
BOFH: Fishbowl this
BOFH: Somebody know this body?
BOFH: The revenge
BOFH: Lost licences
BOFH: PFY spreads his wings
BOFH: PFY rescue mission
BOFH: Talking to tradesmen
BOFH: Printer cartridge? What printer cartridge?
BOFH: Computer room deluge
BOFH: A question of urgency
BOFH: Operation bean the beancounter
BOFH: Moving faster than blame
BOFH: Dodging the auditors
BOFH: Damsels in distress
BOFH: New toys
BOFH: Chilling the bearings
BOFH: Building changes
BOFH: In search of the lazy atom
BOFH: You think you know a guy...
BOFH: Skip diplomacy
BOFH: A tragic accident
BOFH: A foray into HR
BOFH: Budget cuts
BOFH: Workplace accidents = 0
BOFH: Spreading the festive cheer
BOFH: Friday madness
BOFH: Xmas party: Get a wriggle on
BOFH: Balancing the budget...
BOFH: Beancounter bashing
BOFH: Memory short circuit
BOFH: Defusing the enthusiast
BOFH: What GPS is for
BOFH: Carbon neutrality
BOFH: The Silence of the Servers
BOFH: Insecurity complex
BOFH: The secret gentlemen's club
BOFH: On the brink
BOFH: Fun with automatic doors
BOFH: The London Underground vending machine conspiracy
BOFH: Lift laughs
BOFH: Licensing model
BOFH: PFY's mum pays a visit
BOFH: The Boss gets Grandpa Simpson syndrome
BOFH: Shiny new computer room
BOFH: The PFY's comeuppance
BOFH: The Batcave
BOFH: Testing the obscenity filters
BOFH: Dealing with engineers
BOFH: Shafting the consultants over the new layout
BOFH: The all-clicking, all-whirring Roboboss
BOFH: The admin gene
BOFH: The PFY wants a reference
BOFH: Server room secret panels
BOFH: Smash + grab
BOFH: Burying the hatchet
BOFH: Lock and reload
BOFH: Back in the saddle
BOFH: Remote access malarkey
BOFH: The Mandelboat virus
BOFH: Unfriendly ghosts
BOFH: Fine detective work
BOFH: Radiating sincerity
BOFH: Taking out a contract
BOFH: The paperless cafeteria
BOFH: The unwanted software compo
BOFH: The Christmas party
BOFH: Blackmail and fine wine
BOFH: A safe bet
BOFH: Aspie no questions
BOFH: Cable entanglements
BOFH: Defiling the profile
BOFH: Grand Theft Auto
BOFH: Spontaneous Legal Combustion
BOFH: Snout, meet trough
BOFH: Stick this
BOFH: A spot of bother
BOFH: Hammer time!
BOFH: Trussssst in me
BOFH: Weapon of choice
BOFH: Baitin' switch
BOFH: The stupidity criticality
BOFH: Slab happy
BOFH: Made of win
BOFH: Key performance undertakers
BOFH: The PFY Chronicles
BOFH: The PFY Chronicles part 2
BOFH: The PFY Chronicles Part The Third
BOFH: Forgive and forget
BOFH: On the couch
BOFH: The poncy director's cut
BOFH: Risky business
BOFH: Little ups and downs
BOFH: Lies and the lying liars who lie about them
BOFH: Die, Robot
BOFH: Robot wars
BOFH: Lock shock
BOFH: Pepper-packing bot plot
BOFH: Join the club
BOFH: You just can't go around killing people
BOFH: BOFH vs Bot: Ultimate Smackdown
BOFH: Look out!
BOFH: Pain fear games
BOFH: Who's been naughty and who's been nice?
BOFH: There's no 'I' in team, but there's a 'u' in suck
BOFH: This buck's for you
BOFH: In distributed denial
BOFH: People get annoyed when you try to debug them
BOFH: Every silver lining has a cloud
BOFH: Attack of the Global Corporate Overlords
BOFH: Ready for the Judgment Day
BOFH: CSI Haxploitation Cube Farm Apocalypse
BOFH: Drunken Time Lord
BOFH vs PFY: There can be only one (on the exes chit)
BOFH: Axe handles - occasionally quite slippery
BOFH: Beer, shinies, death by fire, rats IN THAT ORDER
BOFH: I'll get my bonus even if it kills, well, someone
BOFH: No, the Fabinocci seqeunce
BOFH: Where's my free fondleslab?
BOFH: Hordes unleashed... by a RAM upgrade
BOFH: We don't need no stinkin' upgrade
BOFH: Licence to grill ... stupid users
BOFH: The day the office budget bombed – literally
BOFH: The Explosive Christmas Evacuation
BOFH: My Cloud Committee Calamity
BOFH: Moon landings, Pong and the case of the smoking
BOFH: Dawn raid on Fort BOFH
BOFH: Siri, why do users lie?
BOFH: PFY vs Bearded 80s Netscape Bore
BOFH: The back-up backdown smackdown
BOFH: Shove your project managementry up your mailbox!
BOFH: Our Excel-lent new boss and the diagram plan
BOFH: Uninterruptible patsy supply
BOFH: Tenacious B and the Printer of Destiny
BOFH: Can't you just ... NO, I JUST CAN'T
BOFH: Hasta la Vista... luser
BOFH: The Great Patch Mismatch
BOFH: Cannot terminate PFY instance... ACCESS DENIED
BOFH: Climb the corp ladder - and use your boss as a bullet shield
BOFH: My HELPDESK HELL - lies, phones lines and statistics
BOFH: And it's cloudy with a 90% chance of beatings
BOFH: Go on, beancounter, type DROP TABLE asset;
BOFH: Don't be afraid - we won't hurt your delicate, flimsy inkjet printer
BOFH: Backup server's failed? We have a backup backup server
BOFH: Nasty BOFHses. It burns us! It burns...
BOFH: Welcome to Helldesk, ma'am, may I take your bags?
BOFH: Is WHAT 'running slow'!? GOD
BOFH: GOATSE? No, I said goat fetis... you know what, forget it
BOFH: One flew over the PFY's nest
BOFH: Resistance is futile - we're missing BEER O'CLOCK
BOFH: It's DANGEROUS to go alone. Take THIS
BOFH: Attractive person is attractive. Um, why are your eyes bulging?
BOFH: He... made... you... HE made YOU a DOMAIN ADMIN?
BOFH: On the PFY's Scottish estate, no one can hear you scream...
BOFH: Oh DO tell us what you think. *CLICK*
BOFH: On the contrary, we LOVE rebranding here at the IT dept
BOFH: You can take our lives, but you'll never take OUR MACROS
BOFH: The Great Backup BACKDOWN
BOFH: We CAN do that with a Raspberry Pi, but think of the BODIES
BOFH: The current value of our IT ASSets? Minus eleventy-seven...
BOFH: Stop your tiers - when it comes to storage, LESS is MORE
BOFH: SOOO... You want to sell us some antivirus software?
BOFH: An UNHOLY MATCH forged amid the sweet smell of bullsh*t
BOFH: WHERE did this 'fax-enabled' printer UPGRADE come from?
BOFH: Everyone deserves a little DOWNTIME
BOFH: Santa, bloody Santa
BOFH: Capo di Capo, blah. I'm having CHICKEN JALFREZI
BOFH: A miracle on PFY Street
BOFH: The Great HellDesk geek leave seek
BOFH: The ONE-NINE uptime solution
BOFH: Mmm, gotta love me some fresh BYOD dog roll
BOFH: Never mind that old brick, look at this ink-stained BEAUTY
BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...
BOFH: Getting to the brown, nutty heart of the water cooler matter
BOFH: Step into my office. Now take a deep breath
BOFH: Don't go changing on Friday evenings, I don't wanna work that hard
BOFH: My diary is MINE and mine alone, you petty HR gimps
BOFH: Knitting bobble hats on the steps of the guillotine
BOFH: Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one!
BOFH: An architect and his own entirely avoidable downfall
BOFH: Power corrupts, uninterrupted power corrupts absolutely
BOFH: Press 1. Press 2. Press whatever you damn well LIKE
BOFH: I'm not doing this for the benefit of your health, you know
BOFH: We're miracle workers. But you want us to fix THAT in 10 minutes?
BOFH: How long does it take to complete Friday's lager-related tasks?
BOFH: Taking a spin in a decommissioned racer? On your own grill cam be it
BOFH: I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please
BOFH: In-depth IT training needs a single-malt distillery
BOFH: This laptop has ceased to be. And it's pub o'clock soon
BOFH: Sure, I could make your cheapo printer perform miracles
BOFH: If you liked it then you should've put the internet in it
BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral
BOFH: What's your point, caller?
BOFH: Follow the paper trail
BOFH: I found a flying Dragonite on a Windows 2003 domain
BOFH: Free as in free beer or... Oh. 'Free Upgrade'
BOFH: The case of the suspicious red icon
BOFH: There are no wrong answers, just wrong questions. Mmm, really wrong ones
BOFH: The Idiot-ware Project and the Meaningless Acronym
BOFH: The Hypochondriac Boss and the non-random sample
BOFH 2017: (in progress)
BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me
BOFH: Elf of Safety? Orc of Admin. Pleased to meet you
BOFH: Don't back up in anger